Archive for January, 2010

Married Life

Having tied the knot just over three weeks ago, it seems the opening line of conversation for almost everyone with me is… ‘So, how’s married life?’ 

It seems like a reasonable enough question, except that I always go blank when the expectant face looks at me with a smile waiting for me to overwhelm them with emotion. The smiles vary based on the marital status of the person in question: single friends are either genuinely curious or slightly cynical; married people have a knowing edge to their smile, as if to say ‘Yeah, that’s right, I know what you’re going through and it (a) bliss, or (b) a let down’; and divorced people have this sly smile, the ‘just you wait a couple of moths before reality sets in’ smile. In each case I can’t help but think ‘what do they want to hear?’ and then a stream of thoughts about what this person might have experiences to influence their intonation of the question runs through my mind, instead of the answer that should come from me! That thought will stay with me for a long time I’m sure. 

Being the (sometimes) naively romantic person that I am, I imagined that after marriage we’d step into a new world together, one full of light where anything we’d ever disliked about each other, and any niggling annoyances we held on to would evaporate in a golden cloud of fairy dust. Marriage was this marshmallow cocoon of love where everything we did was tinted with ecstasy and passion. In my marriage world dirty dishes and bills didn’t feature. Round-the-world tickets, cosy nights by the fire and moonlit walks took their place. 

In short, I have to wonder that perhaps I was high the three months while I was planning my wedding. Either that or I’m a hopeless optimist 🙂

But the euphoria of that dream filled my being at our wedding. It was absolutely the happiest day of my life. Surrounded by many of my family, friends and faces that I have grown with was exciting enough, and then to think that they were all here to celebrate our union (oh, and the food, cake and party time) was so heart warming that I spent the day strung between tears and elated dancing.

After the wedding day, however, married life is much the same as life was before. We still share the same apartment and all of the things we love and hate about it. We still argue over the washing up and hoovering, and still choose to watch Live at the Apollo over a river-side walk along the Thames. We’re still wondering where next month’s rent is going to come from and those round-the-world tickets are still hiding under the pile of tea-and-pizza-stained bills that we tend to conveniently forget about. We still have the same history and relationship past with all its highs and lows. We still have the same families and friends. The same jobs and responsibilities. 

But there is a magic to all of it that wasn’t there before. There is an invisible thread connecting our hearts and minds together. Now everything we do, we do for two. We’re no longer two individuals living out their individual lives in the same space, we are a unit that works together to create a life that both of us aspire to. That’s a daunting and beautiful thing all at once, and it’s that mixture of commitment and knowing why you decided to commit to it that brings butterflies every time we look at each other’s rings and say ‘My God! We’re married!’ 

It’s also what has given our tolerance levels a boost 🙂

So, married life is wonderful and wonderfully mundane. We are still who we are, living our lives much the same as before. But beneath it all is a current of togetherness and an infinite investment of love that carried us through each day. 

In three years everything could be different, but then we shouldn’t forget that life is sweetest when lived in and for the moment…

Anyone care to share their experience of newly married life?


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